Plans, Trans, and Autogynephilia

We Live In Cis-ciety

January 8, 2015

The only guarantee that I can make to you, before you die, is that everything will change.

There are so many novel things to come and most will be unexpected. The characters most of us expect at the door include: Stanleybowls, Leaders, Corruption, Wars, Poverty, Success and Kryptonite.

Even more will get Caught-In-The-Netflix, while many of earth’s species will become extinct.

There will be progress!

Illnesses will be cured

Devices will be implanted

Personal Drones become the newest pet and smartphone

Automated transportation will provide naps or Angry Birds

Android butlers will assist in Self-sustaining Smart Homes

Desktop quantum computers will interface with holographic watches to monitor your body with ICU precision (Apple will keep the doctor away)

Vending machines will dispense genetic engineering necessities for virtual living

We will explore the solar system and peer deeper into the universe with exponentially more microprocessor strength

And you will get old

Along the way, less than 0.01% of your fellow humans, living on this small rock with you will decide they want to live their life, as another gender.

When one puts it that way it doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but the first time I met someone with ‘Transgender Disorder’, I half didn’t want to believe it myself.

Once I sat and listened, it became easier for me to understand.

As you know, there are 2 parts to everyone, the front everyone sees and an undercarriage that you only display in sections.

What you may not realize however, is that many people wear the Emperor’s Clothes of privilege, in our Binary Hetero-Normative Cis-ciety, and therefore just don’t get it.

Some don’t understand why someone else would go through all the hassle to change THAT THING about them.

Most tolerate changing:

Groups of friends

Taste in music

Bad tattoos

Body via cosmetic surgery

University plans

Religion

Romantic partners

Sexuality

Neanderthal diet

Career

Hairstyle

Hobbies

Mood

Mind

(Or when you beat us, or become addicted)

And just about anything else, when we say we really love you, and wish to do you no harm.

But for some reason, when you say you want to change your gender, it seems to fundamentally alter some people’s master plan.

But for many, the Gender Dysphoria can cause so such suffering; it can breed desperation and hopelessness. It becomes even more painful, if you are also born into poverty or addiction in the US, without health insurance. Those individuals suffer repeatedly, sometimes using prostitution as a way to obtain money for cross sex hormones. They make that impossible ‘choice’, to get as close as they can, to life as the opposite gender.

Is there anything in this world that you feel THAT strongly about, at all?

Difficulties due to the mismatch between your outer physical gender markings, and how you feel on the inside, used to be called Gender Identity Disorder. It was changed when the smart Doctors realized that being brave enough to risk happiness was not a disorder.

Medical and Psychological Practioners in North America, use the DSM5 (Shrink’s Cookbook), which provides a list of all diagnosis and ingredients for each recipe.

The main diagnostic criteria in the DSM5 for Gender Dysphoria in Children includes; 6 of the following symptoms, over at least a 6 month time span:

repeatedly stated desire to be, or insistence that he or she is, the other sex

in boys, preference for cross-dressing or simulating female attire

in girls, insistence on wearing only stereotypical masculine clothing

strong and persistent preferences for cross-sex roles in make-believe play or persistent fantasies of being the other sex

a strong rejection of typical toys/games typically played by one’s sex

intense desire to participate in the stereotypical games and pastimes of the other sex

strong preference for playmates of the other sex

a strong dislike of one’s sexual anatomy

a strong desire for the primary (e.g., penis, vagina) or secondary (e.g., menstruation) sex characteristics of the other gender

To be ‘Transgender’, one has an inner experience of self and gender that transcends one’s physical shell. This would not be the first time a human has done this for the betterment of everyone around them. There is no longer much gawking around Hawking.

A ‘Transgender person’ is someone who identifies with a definition of gender that doesn’t match their biological body.

The term ‘Transsexual’ is a label now becoming rarer, to refer to someone engaging in hormone or surgical treatments to correct the mismatch.

The term ‘Cis’ is Latin for ‘on this side’, while ‘Trans’ means ‘on the other side’ or ‘across’.

The ‘this side’, in this case, describes our ubiquitous culture seen in the media and social roles. These predominantly display gender in binary ‘male or female’ terms and depict heterosexual relationships as the normal model for living.

How many of us live in ‘typical’ families nowadays, anyways.

Trans people feel strongly about the pronouns they wish to be described by. Some reject conventional labels of ‘he and she’, opting for gender neutral pronouns and there are many examples used.

The most common ones are:

‘Ze’ and ‘Zem’

And

‘It, One, They or Them’

(There are others used)

When used in a sentence, the first example may sound like:

‘Ze really like Zemself’.

Or

‘They (It) really liked Themself (Oneself)’.

The terms ‘MTF’ or ‘FTM’ refer to those Transgender persons who have stated their specific gender transition goals for the rest of their lives. ‘MTF’ is short for Male to Female, also referred to as being Transfemale. Goals for most MTF’s would be to pass as a woman daily in society. ‘FTM’ refers to Transmales, seeking to live as males everyday.

A BETTER CONCEPTUALIZATION WAS SUGGESTED BELOW BY APHRODITE

‘Most of the terms used in this graph are considered deprecated in the trans community.

Trans individuals assigned male at birth (AMAB) are trans feminine, trans women or nonbinary. Trans individuals assigned female at birth (AFAB) are trans masculine, trans men, or nonbinary.

Not all individuals who transition engage in medical interventions for various reasons, such as access to care, discomfort with doctors, retaining bodily autonomy. If one doesn’t engage in medical interventions, that doesn’t mean they aren’t trans.’

MY APPRECIATION, APHRODITE!

_______

If you are a parent reading this, please consider that raising and loving a child is filled with so many amazing moments:

Explosive diapers

Contagious tears

Wiggly teeth

Sore tummies

Flying food

Picasso on the fridge

Growing pains on the wall

Green Eggs and Ham on the page

Babysitting scrambling at last minute

Stitches in the middle of the night

And a hand and heart that perfectly fits into yours

It is cool to realize that all the memories listed above were gender neutral.

Please remember, the person you met in your mind before birth needs you more than ever, when they decide to REALLY be themselves. All 3-Dimensional Living Breathing Loving people are real, and we ALL desperately want to be ourselves.

Many of us look at Caitlyn Jenner and are inspired by her bravery.

My hope is that soon many won’t need a celebrity’s story to move towards compassion. It was only 1 year ago that many stared at ‘the’ FTM at the mall, and Jenner’s MTF-changing-face in the tabloids, unable to will acceptance.

It is good that things are finally changing.

I do hope we realize however, that we are ALL celebrities to the people that love us.

I would recommend learning more about Cox and if you have Time, check out June 9, 2014. After that it may be hard to ask the following…

How can someone feel like a boy in a girl’s body or vice versa or both or neither?

You may still feel in the dark, closeted in your home, catching mere glimpses through the narrow keyhole of the media.

A vast majority of people presenting as Gender Dysphoric children go on to be predominantly gay, lesbian, or bisexual as adults, but not Transgender.

Most Trans teens go on to be Trans adults.

People with Gender Dysphoria feel so strongly about living their life as the other gender (or both or neither), up to 50%, in some studies, contemplate suicide as a viable solution to the societal problem of them.

For many FTM men, menstrual moments are monthly murders of the mind.

Their goal is to achieve body satisfaction, usually in the eye of the beholder, so going to the mall or just down the street doesn’t make one feel like the star of a hazing ritual.

They achieve satisfactory transition socially in what pronouns, legal names, or language is used, how they dress, talk, walk, the use of make up or breast binders or augmenters, and other utilitarian utensils.

Even the wrong pronoun can feel like a public stoning.

Medical transition occurs through the use of cross gender hormones.

For MTFs, the hormone of choice is Estrogen. For FTMs, it is Testosterone.

Each have side effects as well, and are usually, at least in Canada, prescribed with Consultation from an (Pediatric) Endocrinologist.

In some cases, puberty is delayed, by hormone blockers if the child is having strong cross gender identification. This prevents the development of Secondary Sex Characteristics, like breast development, hair growth, or voice changes.

This is important because once these specific anatomical features develop, they are essentially irreversible, apart from surgery.

The child who opts for delaying puberty, and then maintains transgender thoughts and feelings, within a stable and enduring sense of Gender Identity, often ‘passes’ much more effectively later in life, as an adult. ‘Passing’ is one of the single most important things to many people with Gender Dysphoria.

Top Surgeries (above 16), and Bottom surgeries (over 18) depend on informed consent, and the skill and technique of the surgeon, and not all procedures save adequate sensory function.

Many individuals seek Top surgery at first, and delay Bottom surgery until years later, or do not pursue it at all.

Health guidelines have been established by the entity WPATH; The World Professional Association for Transgender Health.

Some individuals do not seek support as they can live as Gender Queer (on a spectrum of all of the above), or Agendered (no sense of either gender), with little or no ‘help’.

There is recent biological evidence arising, that it is your gender identity, not your biologic sex, which determines your attraction to the smell of a male’s armpit. Isn’t that a stinker?

Amid the temporal collage of real images and messages from the web, all trying to capture attention, our most precious gift, the butterfly of the mind, with rainbow wings, flits around trying its best not to get confused.

It must beware of the trap of thinking, that gives one no way to make sense, of the surrounding jungle.

Trans people we meet, may challenge our ability to download their avatar, because we live in a much more Binary world, compared to those who experience Gender Fluidity.

And when we see something that doesn’t match our expectations, we may become curious, or feel internal resistance, and perhaps become offended.

The mixed messages do not seem to compute.

Cis society teaches us that to start understanding someone, one starts by identifying a person’s biologic sex.

Once that Binary prong in the road is taken, the friction of interaction, one is taught, should lessen.

But a tension arises, when your alphabet is missing letters.

Not all humans are either A or B, and by now, that should not be hard to C.

Opening one’s eyes to these omissions creates a much more accurate view of who we are, and the sentence of life becomes easier to right.

In the big picture, there might be a spoon, but gender categories are a blurred spectrum in our Matrix.

The once extras are now the Neo-gender-stars.

Their posse parades, primed in pretty pink polo pants, posh piercings paired with phallic phones, perhaps pirouetting post PVP, proud of Pat parenting. The lines of gender are blurring, and we all pick our specific shades and ringtones.

It is much more likely that all of us pace, down the highway of life; trying to pass as who we want others to think we are, or as who we want to be.

We rely on mirrors, windows and Selfies, to reflect back to us, the face that we hope is still there. And if we are lucky, or time it just right, that perfect smile will be there, the next time.

It becomes harder, when you know, that they can see through the disguise they think you are wearing.

It seems even more impossible to explain to them, that skin can be a mask too, and the disguise can be the real identity.

The bystander doesn’t realize what they think they hate in you, they actually hate in themselves.

And nowadays, isn’t almost all human behavior attention seeking?

I wonder how Kim Kardashian is feeling right now, having to compete with Caitlyn?

______

It is all about the plans you make, and the lives you allow others to lead, as your expectations and fantasies create their image in your eyes.

There is the opportunity to notice, along the way, that humans are not necessarily bound to their chromosomes.

We are special, equipped with a complex mind, able to integrate many signals.

Gender Dysphoria is the sign of something much more testing than a mere detour in the road.

The Dysphoria creates an uncomfortable anticipation, that peaks in panic and relived fatality, when one fails to pass.

There is a danger that when the ‘the public’ looks in the rear view mirror, they may only want to see themselves.

Without shoulder checking, the societal blind spots only become more dangerous, and fear of gender benders worsens.

All roads do lead to Rome, but many of us live in a disconnected suburb.

Those brave enough to release the tension, and come out, often face an eruption of anger. This represents the lava of rage burning through their parent’s and friend’s; not to mention passing stranger’s, vicarious future plans.

Those plans were written for many, by society, prebirth, and those life maps may seem impossible to rewrite.

But that is the challenge for every great parent, friend, and stranger, to face that other version of themselves, and love it despite it not being like them in every way.

There are many other places in society, where conflict appears for Trans people, besides ‘merely’ within their circle of loved ones.

And now we confront Transphobia.

People seem to be capable of being afraid of anything, at least for a while.

Luckily, most of our fears never come true, and the ones that do, usually require your hand to author the plot.

From humanity’s birth to the present, we have been afraid of a lot of things.

_____

IN HISTORIC ORDER:

Body sensations

Scary mysteries of the sun

Darkness

Loud noises

Small spaces

Animals

Treating non pinkish colored humans as equals

Women voting

Y2K

Homosexual people.

And at the present time?

IRS

ISIS/L

Transgender people

Not being noticed

_____

Luckily, we have been brave enough to watch Ellen, and now somehow laugh when she grinds against a female guest, or her table, by her chair, on her show.

She taught many of us that ‘her people’ are just like ‘our people’, looking for love, friends, and laughter.

So we forgave homosexuals for no crime, and we may all agree that they should be allowed to marry, wherever they want, some day.

Haven’t we been generous enough, to have any compassion left over, for those who are Gender Dysphoric?

Yet Gender Fluid children, in many schools, do not have safe washrooms or change-rooms before gym, and feel exposed.

Cis society divides us up in ways that can be intolerable to those with Gender Dysphoria.

Yet, how difficult is it really, to change signs on doors or re-designate spaces? I remember when there were no computer labs in any schools.

Wikipedia defines Autogynephilia as love of oneself as a woman.

This is revolting to anyone who has been railroaded by its label.

It essentially states that biological males, seeking transition, are doing so to gratify a sexual fetish, where they attain arousal fantasizing they have a female body.

The railroading comes in where the Transfemale is nauseatingly confused for this (intensely homophobic) gay man, whom sometimes kinkifies himself as a female sexual object, so he can get off (without having his climax succeeded by overwhelming guilt, shame, or horror at what got him off).

It in no way describes the overwhelming majority of MTF’s central experience, or reasons for living as women.

These can lie much closer to wanting to have dinner ready when their partner comes home, than anything sexual.

The diagnosis of Autogynephilia is rarely made, but one should always be aware of those passing out the Kool Aid.

The concept was created in 1989, the same year Apartheid started to be dismantled, the Berlin wall collapsed, and Tiananmen Square occurred.

Maybe that was what Marilyn Manson was up to, the Autogynephilia I mean, not those other things.

This particular diagnosis delivers a devastating cargo of emotion sickness.

In reality, we do not get to decide how other people should live their life, provided they don’t ask us, harass us, or hurt us.

There is nobody that you know well enough to convince them that they are not transgender.

Besides, Conversion, or Reparative Therapy, has been found to be dangerous in all forms, when used with LGBTQT humans.

Vomiting our expectations makes a mess. Just because our version of gender is different than someone else’s, does not make love or kindness an optional style of friendship or parenting.

We need to find out who our children, teenagers, and neighbors are, and even if they change, support their growth.

They support us through our relationships, financial problems, bad luck, substance abuse, and other normal life adventures, because they are trying to teach us what love feels like.

Especially our children and teens, who are trying to teach us how unconditional love feels.

It is awesome how they raise families.

_____

Every one of us is a snowflake.

We are all completely unique, fragile, and only a few short moments away from thawing into the ocean.

But, we are also the most complicated and curious bipeds on the planet, perhaps anywhere.

We are the Swiss Army Knives of the universe, who seem to be capable of ANYTHING we set our minds too.

What other species do you know that is manipulating its own genetics, recreating the Big Bang, and starting preparations to colonize another planet?

Since any one of us can possibly change everything, we need to ask ourselves, before we force other people to be pirates or fairies, why they can’t be both, neither, or something even more unique?

Let other people worry about their own gender. We all have enough on our divided plates. To create one more hierarchy seems like a waste of humanity.

And the paradox of here and now is that while we are all unique, we desire the same things.

So, since we are all different, let us all stretch in our own way, and share in all the patterns of human life that are possible. It would make the moral of our collective story deeper, with a much happier ending.