The best day of my life
I almost died.
It was a sunny summer day, and I was a long way up the coast, rolling down a winding road with a gorgeous view. Enjoying a day away from my flat in the city. Riding my bicycle with a group of friends.
It was hot, but the breeze of the air passing over my sweaty clothes was refreshing. I love speed. I felt joy.
Speed. Forces. Physics. Gravity. Grave.
Moving. Fast. Slow motion.
Head-on. Here comes a truck. I wonder, but not for long. The ultimate question seemed to have been answered.
I was content. Out of control.
And, I loved it.
Now.
This is IT.
Wow.
My body and my mind were at ease as I anticipated impact. As I crashed, I relaxed. Accepting the inevitable. Peace. Quiet. Eyes closed.
No light. Nor darkness.
Poise. Long, short seconds, to ponder.
No more great expectations. No more whys. No more ifs. No what-ifs.
Only now. Only this.
Nothing more.
It was sweet. It was salvation. Calm excitation. Utter exaltation. Reverence.
Expecting the crushing. The destruction. The deliverance. The wheel of the truck, would roll over my head. I would not even feel it.
Nothing. Nothing else. Nothing matters.
Freedom.
Orgasmic.
Over.
But… Life gives. And, life takes away.
Suddenly, eyes open, there I was on the ground two inches from the back wheel.
Alive.
Take me back to the preceding moment.
Spontaneously, I got up off the ground. Too stunned to feel shock.
All eyes were upon me. Disbelief. Relief. They felt the trauma harder than I did. The friends. The observers.
Me, I felt….
“Are you ok?”
No pain. I am standing, walking, talking.
I did not feel the pain of the bone shattered by the impact with the road. I did not feel anything.
The sun was out.
Everyone is ok.
Stars enter my shiny vista, and I pause. The dizzy potential of an alternative abyss. Awkward. Worrisome.
Maybe everything is not ok.
I hate all the fuss. Let’s move. Move on.
A car stopped. Tourists. A family. I accept their goodwill and take the seat offered in the front of their small rental car. Bike in the back. They transport me to the nearest hospital. A short detour. A little adventure.
Genuine kindness. With calm, and grace, I accept their help. The bumps in the road do not bother me. Don’t worry.
My vision is blurring. I feel my first pangs of fear, but I pretend that everything is ok.
To worry.
Is to live.
At the hospital. Everything is ok. The tourists will keep touring. Relieved.
I smiled.
No worries.
Calm. Content to carry-on. Clear priorities. Injury the director.
I made it home. Alone. In a cab. Later there would be surgeries, and bone grafts. Insurance claims, and recovery time. For all of the inconvenience, I felt pleasure.
Pleasure.
I felt it deeply in the days that followed the accident.
To feel.
Is to live.
I rejoiced.
The joy was not the continuation of life. The joy came in the clarity. The certainty, that life is truly meaningless.
Death will come. But not that day.
Fate. Still. Awaits.
Let go.
Live.
SO damn lucky. For now, all fear is gone.
The best day of my life.
I almost died.
