The Rules

Harmony Only Had Three Rules for Thanksgiving.

It was a day she planned and rehearsed. She purchased pepper spray for the occasion. And, in fact, she had the spray in the car with her.

The first time she pulled up to the corner, she unrolled the passenger seat window with a push of her finger and leaned over. Hello! She said, friendly as could be, to the man huddled under a blanket. He wasn’t holding a sign or even looking at people as they walked by him. A piece of cardboard propped up against the fence told people he needed help. And any kind of help would be just fine.

After she had gotten him situated in the seat beside her, she kept her own window rolled down because of the smell. She had to think about whether it was better to draw the air in through her mouth or through her nose. She wasn’t sure and ended up doing a little of both. She tried to chat but the man seemed uninclined. She had hoped to get the first person clearly aligned with her purpose so that she would have a wing man. But it wasn’t looking likely. She had known going into this that she would have to be flexible.

The second stop was for two more people, so after that only the back row of seats in the minivan were left. The two were a possibly a couple, but Harmony didn’t want to be nosey and ask. The woman had rhinestones on her sweatshirt and a big leather purse. Her boots had seen better days. But mostly, she just seemed tired. The man would not stop talking. About how damn cold it was and how nice she was to do this, and you just never expect anything like this, when you are standing by the exit to the freeway, holding a sign. Sure, some people drop off a sandwich and a few people smile and say hi. But no one ever invites you home for dinner. God damn! He said, and laughed out loud, really loud, like a bark. And then he said, Pardon my French.

The last stop was an elderly woman with a walker. And the walker took up the other seat in the back so Harmony started thinking about turning and driving for home. She was losing her nerve anyway. It had seemed like such a great idea for the whole week before, while she had been planning. But now, here it was, all happening, and she couldn’t help feeling scared. These were real people but they were street people. You know? People who had been hardened maybe even for years, by living on the street. Harmony didn’t know what kind of code they lived by anymore. You don’t know if they even have a code. That’s what Harmony kept thinking. Is there a line they won’t cross, when they get into her home, and she offers them what she has to offer? And how are they going to react when she tells them her rules?

She tried to recommit inside herself, even though having real people in her car was different from having the idea in her head. She told herself she couldn’t back out now. What was she going to do? Take them to Seven-Eleven and buy them a hot dog? She would hate herself forever if she did that. Stick with the plan, she said to herself — out loud, but under her breath. No one heard her because Jack was still rattling on in the back about how great everything was today, even the cold outside, he liked the cold better than the heat.

Harmony pulled to the side of the road, a few blocks from home. She turned to make sure everyone knew everyone’s name. The man in the seat beside her had woken up a little by this time, and his name was Henry. He repositioned himself to shake hands with Terry and Jack. And in the back, Yolanda reached up and looked Henry straight in the eye and said, Hello nice to meet you. Like they were at a cocktail party instead of in a stranger’s car with the heat rattling and blasting the stink of a stranger in her face.

Harmony took a deep breath. Okay, she said, here are the rules. I know this might seem harsh but I am inviting you into my house today, to spend the day with me and watch tv and eat a meal, you know. And I just want to make sure we all understand each other and we all have a good time. Because, you know, we’re like strangers. Well, we are strangers.

She looked down while all four of the other people sat quietly, waiting for her to finish. Harmony felt her own heart pounding a little faster than she would have liked. She wished she were fearless. She wished she didn’t have to say the things she was about to say. No one wants to say this stuff. But she took another deep breath and started again.

So, I need everyone to take a shower when we get to my house.

She let that sink in for a little while and she watched the reactions of the people who had gotten into her car. Yolanda, in the back, looked up with shiny eyes and said, with real relief, You wouldn’t mind? I can use your shower? And then, suddenly, but I don’t have any clothes to change into.

Harmony said, Truly, it’s okay because I do. I have a bunch of boxes of things you can all go through to find clothes you like, that fit. I’ve been saving them for today. And I have lots. Really. Lots. And all different styles. So. Yeah, okay?

Yolanda looked out the window, at the tree branch moving just slightly where a bird had landed on it. Her hair under her hat was silver and perfectly curled. Harmony wondered if it was a wig, and at the same time, noticed how Yolanda’s complexion was a peculiar shade of gray and yellow. Yolanda looked suddenly at Harmony and said brightly, Oh, then that would be great. But I want my other clothes back after.

Harmony said, Absolutely. And I will wash them for you first.

Well, I will wash them myself, said Yolanda. I have some stuff in my backpack. Can I wash that stuff too? Yolanda kept her eyes locked on Harmony as she asked the question, as if challenging Harmony. As if she was being exceptionally bold.

Of course.

And then, because Harmony had practiced saying these things out loud to strangers — things that you would normally never say to people unless those people where your own children who you had birthed out of your own body, and those children were young children — Harmony turned to Henry and said, So, the plan is to take a shower, and you go first, okay Henry? You okay taking a shower and changing your clothes? Because, dude, I know you can’t help it, but man you stink.

Henry looked sad and confused, and then he looked resigned, and then he looked ashamed. All of those expressions passed across his face in quick succession, ending with the shame, which just sat on his face and squashed it. Harmony felt her own shame building. Who was she to require that strangers take a shower and wash their clothes? For Heaven’s sake, did she think she was God or something? Harmony knew that Henry had nothing to be ashamed of, and that the reason he smelled so badly was only because he lived under conditions that most people could not imagine. His stink was a mark of his ability to survive. She knew this.

The struggle inside Harmony to reconcile what she knew with what she felt, ended in Harmony reaching out and placing her hand on Henry’s hand. Her hand was smaller than his and when she and Henry both looked down at their hands sitting together on his knee, this is what they each noticed. That his was bigger and hers was smaller. That’s all.

Harmony said quietly, I just wanted to be clear and not beat around the bush. I’m just asking you if it’s okay, because you know. It’s the rule. I’m sorry and it’s not your fault, but it’s just the rule. I’m sorry.

Henry said okay and Harmony waited for him to raise his eyes before she took her hand off of his hand, so she could be sure. And then Harmony turned to Terry and Jack.

Terry had on gloves — the kind with only half fingers — and she gripped the seat, the way you grip something that is moving and you are in it. Like she was holding on for dear life. And Harmony understood this, because she was too.

And then Harmony said the next rule. Which was also hard to say, but not as hard as the shower and changing your clothes rule, because people said it all the time. No smoking. And I mean it. No smoking in the house. Not in the bathroom, out the window. Not in the garage. Not near the house. If you want to light up, take a walk down the block. That’s just what I want. I don’t want it on my front porch and I don’t want to smell it the next day in my bathroom. Everyone okay with that rule too?

Harmony said all the words real fast, and they fell out into the car in a big plop. All four people looked stunned. But Harmony couldn’t tell if they were stunned because she had said everything so fast, or if they were stunned because they wouldn’t be allowed to smoke in her house, or if they were just stunned because the whole thing was catching up with them. Like — who is this woman and what am I doing in her car, and why is she bossing me around? Harmony thought maybe the last reason. Maybe they were reconsidering whether or not this was a good idea at all. Maybe they would just rather go stand on the corner and see if they could gather a couple of dollars together and now that they knew each other, they would all get a motel room down on Colfax or something.

But Jack said, with the same enthusiasm he had had when he had gotten in the car, Yeah okay! I don’t mind going for a walk around the block. I like walking. Besides, I like being outside. Sometimes, I’m inside — I feel like the floor is going to eat me up. I like being on the ground. It’s not safe being inside in an earthquake anyway. I like being outside. I don’t need to smoke much anyway. I like a smoke after I eat though. Do you have a turkey? And, like, mashed potatoes? And pie?

Yolanda said, Well, I can live with that. And then, suddenly, she said, like it had just finally occurred to her, What’s this all about? You picking up a bunch of homeless people to do some good for the day? She didn’t say it meanly, she just said it bluntly. The same way that Harmony had said the stuff about no smoking and you have to take a shower.

Harmony said, Yep, that’s about right. I’m tired of talking, let’s go eat. And she started the car back up again. She pulled the car back onto the street. And when she glanced in her rearview mirror, she saw Terry and Jack looking at each other like they loved each other.

She took her sweater off, while driving, slipping first one arm out and then the other, switching the hand that was holding the steering wheel to do it. Henry reached over and helped steady the wheel, and that worked just fine. Harmony placed her sweater gently on top of the pepper spray that was between her seat and the door. She would have been embarrassed now, for them to see it. It would have made her feel ashamed. She didn’t want any shame in the car. No shame. No more shame. That was the last rule, but this one she just said to herself quietly, inside.